Cleveland Brown to the Rescue!
by Bobby South
Summary: Here is a story of two spin-offs mixed together.
1. Intro

The Cleveland Show presents:

'Cleveland Brown to the Rescue!'

Here is a marriage of two spin-offs:_ The Cleveland Show_ from _Family Guy_ and _Buzz Lightyear of Star Command _from _Toy Story_, parodying_ The Adventures Begins_ movie.

NOTE: I do not own anything. _The Cleveland Show_ belongs to the master of modern animation: Seth MacFarlane; and _Buzz Lightyear of Star Command_ belongs to the company who put animation on the map: the Walt Disney Company.

**Cast List**

Cleveland Brown as Buzz Lightyear

Roberta Tubbs as Mira Nova

Rallo Tubbs as XR

Cleveland Brown Jr. as Booster

Ernie the Giant Chicken (from _Family Guy_) as Evil Emperor Zurg

Terry Kimple as Warp Darkmatter

Lloyd Waterman as Commander Nebula

Jeremy (from _Family Guy_), Bernard Bernard, Julius, Walt, Theodore as the Little Green Men

Wally Farquhare as the Leader of the Little Green Men

Freight Train Brown, Robert, Arch, Kenny West and Coach Charles McFall as the Brain Pods

Holt, Lester, Kendra, Tim and Arianna the bears as the Grubs

* * *

Night time was shining with lights coming from the Stoolbend Stadium. Among the audience were Cleveland Brown and his family. All his friends were sitting around them.

"Whoo!" Cleveland cried, standing up. "I can't believe Stoolbend is gonna play against the New York Yankees! I always thought our team was just a bunch of crap players but tonight will prove me wrong! Hopefully!"

Then one young man ran to the manager and gave him a piece of paper. He looked unhappy as he went to the microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said. "Due to an unfortunate illness, the New York Yankees cannot play tonight."

"What?" cried Cleveland, as he stood up again. "No game tonight? What kind of illness is it?"  
"Um, it says here on this paper that they are stuffing from a lot of… pulled muscles," said the manager.

"Does that mean we win by default?" asked Cleveland Jr.

"No!" shouted a Yankee supporter. "It means we can riot!"

"Yeah!" agreed the audience.

They all got up and started fighting.

Lester loaded his gun. "Time to hunt down some New Yorkers! I hear black ones taste juicy."

Tim the bear and his family were eating a bunch of people, Holt was having a fight with other dwarves over sexy girls, Junior was getting punched by a gang of New York bullies and Roberta was fighting with teenage girls over handsome boys.

Rallo tried to fight with kids his age, but Donna stopped him.

"Don't you even think about it!" she snapped.

"Oh, man!" groaned Rallo. "You think just because I'm five it's means I'm not tough!"

"Attention, everyone!" cried Cleveland's voice.

Everyone looked down and saw Cleveland by the microphone.

"There must a better way to entertain ourselves than kill each other," said Cleveland.

"What do you suggest?" asked Dr. Fist.

"We can upload… um… _Red Tails_, _Hook _or _The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull_," suggested Cleveland.

The audience groaned.

"At least they're from Spielberg and Lucas!" protested Cleveland.

"But they're getting old," moaned Holt. "Too old!"

Then everyone went back to fighting.

"Well, how about showing us lowlifes that we have our own creative imagination?" roared Cleveland on the microphone.

Everyone stopped and sat down in their seats.

"Now, here's a little action-packed, sci-fi, comedy story about friendship, partnership, betrayal and all that's good and evil," said Cleveland.

"Don't tell me it's _Buzz Lightyear: The Adventures Begins_ movie," moaned Roberta.

Cleveland cleared his throat. "It all began on a moon in the Zeta Quadrant in deep space…"


	2. Buzz Loses his Partner

"Buzz Lightyear, mission log," Buzz Lightyear reported to his communicator, "we searched this gaseous, dangerous, yet boring and wasteful and maybe even wasted planet from top to bottom with still no sign of those little green bitches."

Then a horn beep scared Buzz. "What the hell?" he cried.

Through the bright lights coming from the Star Command jeep, he could just see his partner and his friend Warp Darkmatter next to it. "Come on, buddy," he said. "Why do you waste your time with those reports if no one's ever gonna read them?"

"Well, some nerd or geek who wants to know everything about Star Command will want to listen to an experienced ranger like me," Buzz said proudly. "Besides it keeps my mind realistic than going into a fantasy world like Middle-Earth or Neverland or Ancient Alexandria."

"Oh, Buzz, since real life is so boring," said Warp, "give me the fantasy world any day."

"Anyway, enough time wasted," said Buzz. "We'd better double check the dark side."

"I'll drive," smiled Warp.

* * *

Wrap drove the Star Command jeep like mad. He and Buzz past Luke Skywalker's Land Speeder, the Jettsons's car and a live size version of _Toy Story_'s R.C.

The jeep jumped off a cliff and did the _Man with the Golden Gun_ car stunt, landing on the other side.

The car went through a tunnel and was approaching a traffic jam of alien cars. Warp drove the jeep on the side of the tunnel and drove upside down on the roof on the tunnel like in _Men in Black_.

"Careful, Warp!" moaned Buzz. "You know I get car sick!"  
"We'll never find the little green men quickly if we _don't_ hurry," protested Warp.

"Please! How much longer?" shouted three voices.

Warp flipped the car back to the ground before they left the tunnel and stopped. The space rangers looked behind to find three little green men.

"Well, that was easy," smiled Warp. Then he opened his log arm. "Three L.G.M.s once lost, now found."

Buzz pondered as he looked at the three L.G.M.s. "Well, I don't think _these_ are the three missing little green men."

"What are you talking about?" asked Warp.

"I'm talking about these three being stowaways," replied Buzz, "and me having to put them on my report will not make me look good."  
"You don't have to put this in your report," said Warp.

"Remember the time we lied to Commander Nebula about the time we accidentally shot the president of the Walguts?"

* * *

_Buzz and Warp were in Commander Nebula's office after the failed Walguts mission. _

_"You told me that it was one of Zurg's minions who shot the president in the nuts," said Nebula._

_"That's right," said Buzz._

_"Well, one of the guards said what shot the president came from a Star Command laser," said Nebula._

_"Maybe the guard didn't look properly," said Warp._

_"I'm gonna run the tape from a security camera," said Nebula, "and if I find you two have been lying, you will be wiping my ass for three weeks."  
He put the tape in and Buzz and Warp gave each other worried looks._

* * *

"We did shoot by accident," said Buzz, "even though I thought he was the worst president ever for the Walguts."  
"Man, I don't wanna have to wipe the shit outta Nebula's ass again!" moaned Terry.

"Hey!" cried Buzz, noticing the three L.G.M.s walking away from the car.

"Must save the lost ones!" cried the green aliens.

Buzz and Warp got in front of them. "Whoa, patience, guys," said Warp. "This sort of thing ain't gonna find your friends much quicker."

"I think it will," said one.

"Oh, really?" scoffed Warp. "How?"

"Evil," the green men said together.

"Do you guys expect me to fall for _that_?" Warp scoffed again.

"No!" cried Buzz. "Never underestimate Zurg's evilness."

"Buzz, you think Zurg is behind every war, famine, global warming, climate change, every bombing and even that three-daughters-kidnapping in Cleveland!" snapped Warp.

"Crater viper!" cried Buzz.

"Now crater vipers!" moaned Warp. "Anything else I should know!"  
"Only that there are crater vipers behind you!" shouted Buzz as he pushed his partner away before the teeth of a carter viper nearly ate him.

The rangers were so busy firing their lasers at the carter vipers that they didn't notice the little green men were walking straight towards the monsters.

"You know, it's a wonder why these blasters never run out," said Buzz.

"Never thought these little green maniacs were actually geniuses," confessed Warp. "Still, it would be better if there was something more powerful than these blasters!"

"Have you ever used those guns under our Star Command symbols?" suggested Buzz. "And hit em on the bellies."

Warp flew up with his jet-pack wings, got out his gun out of his armour and fired at the chests of the crater viper. That sent them back into their holes, but then in the giant rock a huge eye began to open and its rock teeth growled.

"I should've guessed!" snapped Buzz. "A crater viper slag monster mutant!"

"Hmm, she does look like a slag," said Warp.

"Must save the lost ones!" cried the L.G.M.s, as they walked towards the monster mutant.

"I take that genius moment about them all back," said Warp.

"Me too," said Buzz. "Let's go and rescue them before we fail to rescue six L.G.M.s!"

They flew down and grabbed the L.G.M.s before the crater viper fingers of the monster mutant could.

They flew to the top of the cliff and put the aliens down.

"Any reason you little green morons wanted to shake hands with a thousand crater vipers?" snapped Warp.

"We were pointing out that our buddies were down there," said one, pointing them to the monster mutant.

Buzz and Warp looked down.

"Probably inside the intestines now," said Warp. "Probably the small ones."

"I'm going in," said Buzz, as he flew down.

"Hope you know what you're doing," sighed Warp as he joined him.

"I always do!" protested Buzz.

"Not always!" Warp argued back. "There was the time – "

"Warp, we're in the middle of an intense moment!" Buzz snapped, as he wrapped some metal ropes coming out of his wings around the left hand of vipers. "Not a good moment for a flashback now! Let's go!"

Wrap wrapped his metal ropes around the right hand of vipers. Then both space rangers flew up and they tried to lift up the monster up but they were struggling.

"The L.G.M.s aren't in the bitch," said Buzz. "They're under it."

"Eww!" moaned Warp. "I bet they'll have had enough of her ass."

"Right! New plan!" cried Buzz. He and Warp fired their lasers at the cliff on top of them. The L.G.M.s stepped back before it fell and the Space Rangers dodged the falling rocks as they flew up. The falling rocks crushed the monster to pieces.

The Space Rangers landed onto the cliff.

"Zurg!" the L.G.M.s cried as they pointed to a big platform with a Z on it.

"I knew it," Buzz sighed.

* * *

Inside the research lab of Zurg's fortress, the three L.G.M.s were inside a torture chamber operated by Zurg's brain pods.

"We've been doing this for three bloody hours, man, Brain Pod Freight Train!" moaned Brain Pod Kenny West. "We ain't getting nowhere, man!"

"You think _this_ is bad, Brian Pod Kenny West?" snapped Brain Pod Freight Train. "Try spending two months building a torture chamber that won't get used for five years and can't even its job on its first day!"

Then the big door opened and through the smoke came… a grub called Kendra on her electric scooter. "Anything?"  
"No!" replied the Brain Pods.

"Been working on this thing for three goddamn hours and still nothing, man!" moaned Brain Pod Kenny.

"You know what I think?" asked Brain Pod Freight Train. "I think this Zurg is a – "

Kendra lifted her hand up. "Uh, sir – "

" – is a totally wasted, cocked-up in the head, not-really-evil asshole who can't even really – "

"Sir!" shouted Kendra.

"What?" Brain Pod Freight Train snapped. Then everyone stopped and went silent as everyone saw Kendra out of her scooter.

"One thing he _can_ do is hear you," squeaked Kendra, as she was being squashed by the wing of Evil Emperor Zurg.

"So, if I can do this thing you spent three hours on in three minutes, will you guys think of me as a complete moron?" yelled Zurg.

"No," his minions replied quickly.

Zurg scratched the surface of the torture chamber. It broke the glass and the liquid swan out. The evil emperor grabbed the L.G.M.s. Sparkling lighting came out of his finger and he pressed it onto them.

"We are one!" the L.G.M.s declared together.

Zurg fingered the L.G.M.s again.

"You think that's gonna make us talk?" scoffed one.

"Is that the worst you can do?" scoffed another.

"Let's find out, shall we?" said Zurg as he fingered them once more.

* * *

Warp and the L.G.M.s yawned as they watched Buzz fire his laser at the metal door.

"You've been at that door with your blaster for half an hour, Buzz," moaned Warp. "Let me try something else."

Buzz ceased firing as Warp walked to the door and knocked on it. He hid behind as the door opened.

"Hello," greeted Kendra. "Welcome to the Zurg fortress on this uncharted moon in the – "

Warp slammed the door back and then reopened it revealing only Kendra's scooter.

Buzz walked through.

"Coming through!" cried one of the L.G.M.s.

"Get back to the ship and wait," Buzz ordered.

"No!" cried the L.G.M.s.

"Now, this is no time to get emotional," said Buzz.

"No!" cried the L.G.M.s.

"All right," went on Buzz. "I'll give you the one hundred percent truth: Ever since you guys came, you've been a real pain in the – "

"Not as big as the pain we're feeling from the missing three, fool!" snapped one.

"Yeah, I feel like one is going to be the Joe Swanson L.G.M. on our home planet!" snapped a second.

"One's gonna have throat cancer!" snapped the third.

"Oh, I get it," said Buzz. "It's the mind-link crap."

"How do you do that anyway?" asked Warp.

"The Uni-Mind, fool!" the green dudes said together.

"Hey, I didn't know about that Uni-crap!" snapped Warp.

"Uni-Mind," Buzz corrected him. "Mystical orb that links all L.G.M. mind-link."

"No wonder they all act like robots," muttered Warp.

"At least they're not like Zurg's Hornet robots," pointed out Buzz.

"Ah, good point," said Warp.

Then they set their lasers as they peeked over through the corner. They saw the lost three little green men tied in chairs, with Zurg moving in front of them.

"Tell me your secrets about your mind-link," said Zurg. "Tell how you get so clever. Tell me what make you guys get a boner."

"Never!" snapped the L.G.M.s.

"Then I'll just have to pick your brains," Zurg chuckled evilly. "Where's my brain tumour removal probe?"

The probe appeared behind Zurg, but then it exploded. The evil leader turned around to see his biggest foe aiming his laser at him. "Ah, hello, stranger," he said sarcastically to Buzz.

"Evil Emperor Zurg, by the authority of the Galactic Alliance, you are hereby charged for kidnapping Star Command personal!" shouted Buzz.

"I shall destroy your crappy Galactic Alliance!" snapped Zurg. "But, first, I shall destroy you!" He pressed his Z button on his armour. "Hornets, destroy Buzz Lightyear!"

Hornets gathered around Buzz and fired their guns at him.

"See you in hell, Buzz Lightyear!" yelled Zurg, as his platform flew up.

"Not today, Zurg!" shouted Buzz. He used his laser to free the L.G.M.s and then he turned around to fire it at the Hornets. He opened his wings.

"Hop on!" Buzz ordered the L.G.M.s. They jumped onto his wings and the space ranger flew around firing his laser around the Hornets that were firing at them.

There were also Hornets on where Zurg's platform used to be. Then it came back down crushing them.

"Back up?" said Warp who was on it.

"So that's where you've been," said Buzz, as he landed and put the L.G.M.s. down.

"What are you talking about?" asked Warp. "You know I do these sneaking-up things to make our missions easier to succeed. Plus, it also helps me save your ass on every mission."  
"Hmm, true too," thought Buzz. "Anyway, let's go after Zurg!"

"Good luck with that, Lightyear!" cried Zurg whose face appeared on all the giant screens on the wall. "I'd like to you see you try with the self destruct I set up on my way out. It's a moon of doom now!"

"Self-destruct in sixty seconds," said a voice.

"Sixty seconds?" scoffed Buzz.

"Please," smiled Warp.

Then they were trapped by more firing from hornets.

"Uh-oh!" cried the L.G.M.s.

"Get to the ship!" ordered Buzz. "Blast off!"

"But, Buzz!" protested the L.G.M.s.

"We're not authorized to take off in a Star Command rocket," pointed out one.

"And even if we did," a second added, "we wouldn't be able to fly it."

"You guys have the biggest brains in the universe, don't you?" said Buzz.

The L.G.M.s nodded. "Yes, but – "

"Then shut up and (bleep) off!" snapped Buzz. "We'll meet in you in orbit!" Then he joined Warp into firing back at the hornets.

"Self-destruct in forty-five seconds," said the self destruct voice, as the three missing L.G.M.s joined the three stowaway L.G.M.s.

"Farewell, Lightyear!" cried Zurg on the big screen. "This time you will _not_ escape!"

"Don't count on it, Zurg!" snapped Buzz, as he fired his laser at the giant screens.

Then three hornets came in front of Buzz, who kicked them into an explosive bomb which set the place ablaze and made a hole in the roof.

"Come on, Warp!" yelled Buzz. "Let's get the hell out of here!"  
"Ah!" groaned Warp's voice.

Buzz looked down and saw Warp trapped under a metal pipe under a massive pile of broken metal pipes and massive rocks. He went down and tried to lift up the big heavy metal pipe off.

"Self destruct in twenty seconds," said the self destruct voice.

"Get outta here, man!" cried Warp.

But Buzz didn't listen. He tried to pull to Warp out of the rubble.

"Just go!" ordered Warp.

"We're partners!" Buzz snapped back.

"I said, 'Just go!'" Warp yelled, as he pressed Buzz's big red button.

Buzz's wings sent him up into the air and out of Zurg's fortress. He dived back down to the fortress but it exploded in his face.

* * *

"Space Ranger Warp Darkmatter scarified himself for the success of the mission and for the safety of his friends," Buzz said to his fellow space rangers at the Ceremony Room on the Star Command Space station.

"He was not a great cook," went on Buzz.

"Too right," said the Star Command Chef.

"He was not a very good storyteller," said Buzz.

"Helped us get early to bed though," whispered one Space Ranger.

"But he was not only a great ranger but he was a great friend," said Buzz. "I miss him very much."  
Later, Buzz went to the lockers room and went Warp Darkmatter's locker.

"Don't worry, Warp," he said to the locker, as he erased 'WARP DARKMATTER' from the name tag. "I promise I'm never gonna let what happened to you to another ranger ever again. To ensure that, I work alone."

Then Buzz walked out of the locker room.


	3. Life without Warp

The training deck was as busy as any intergalactic battle Star Command ever fought in. Level eight was a tough level for the training rookies.

"Commander Nebula, report to training deck," said the announcer.

In the control room above the training deck, Commander Nebula walked to the microphone. "Cadet Jones, watch your sexy ass!"

Cadet Jones looked at his ass, then he got shot by the one of the Star Command training robots.

"See, people?" yelled Nebula. "Shooting isn't just about firing guns; it's about using your brains, too, if you have any!"  
Buzz swooped down to the office. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Ah, Lightyear," said Nebula. "I want you to meet someone." Then he turned to the microphone. "All remaining rookies, get ready for level nine!"

"Level nine?" cried Buzz. "They're only rookies, Commander."

"So?"

"Well, that's my level," said Buzz. "And if one of those rangers pass, they're gonna get a higher rank than me and I ain't cool with that at all."

The training deck had more giant robots and huge green bubbles that trapped the space rangers. But one blue-skinned ginger hair woman was the only one who managed to avoid all the giant bubbles and shoot all the robots.

"How about that, bitches?" she cried happily. "Yeah, you don't mess with this body!"

"The villains on level ten will," said Nebula, as he pressed the button to set the training deck.

The rookie came face-to-face with three giant robots. They opened their chests and out came green liquid bubbles which seemed to cause the rookie to melt.

In the office, Buzz yawned. "I'm not getting the point of this and I have a lot of other stuff to do than just watch this – "

"Zip it, Lightyear!" snapped Nebula. "It's ain't over."

The rookie's space suit was sent up. But then out of the floor, came the rookie who vanished through one robot and pulled out the wires. Then she did the same with one robot and then she went into the last robot.

The last robot knocked the other two with its arms. Then its head blew off.

"How the hell did she do that?" asked Buzz.

"She's from the Planet Tangea," replied Nebula.

"What, like the word 'Intangible'?" asked Buzz. Then he pondered this. "Of course, it all makes sense."

Then the Tangean ranger came into the office. "Ranger Mira Nova, reporting for duty, sir," she said flirting towards the Commander.

"Mira Nova?" pondered Buzz. "Oh, yeah! The heir to the Tangean throne. Remember me, Your Highness?"

"Yeah, you're the one who saved my planet," said Mira. "Was there another one?"

"Buzz, meet your new partner," said Nebula.

"Oh, that's good," said Buzz. "Because I thought you said – PARTNER?"

"Sir, what you did for my people," smiled Mira, "it inspired me to join and you guys appear to be better role models than my older spoiled as (beep) sister."

"No," said Buzz, as he began to walk away.

"No, what?" demanded Nebula.

"No divas," said Buzz. "Too bitchy!"

"Look, son," sighed the commander. "I know she's not Wrap, but – "

"That woman is not even worth looking at, let alone looking out for!" snapped Buzz.

"Even if the woman saves your ass?" Nebula snapped back.

"Okay, hello," said Mira. "The 'woman' has a name!"

"I'm sorry, wo – Mira!" snapped Buzz. "I work alone."

"So you plan to take out Zurg all by yourself?

"That's the plan," said Buzz.

"I'm not just a pretty face," said Mira. "I've done my research and I know what the regulations clearly state. They – "

"If you were clever as you boast you are," Buzz said, "you would know that _I _wrote half of those regulations."

"So you should that YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT THERE WITHOUT BACKUP!" yelled Nebula.

"Sorry, Commander," said Buzz, "but from now on, Buzz Lightyear files solo." And, with that, the space ranger shot up through the entrance hole in the ceiling.

* * *

Outside the launch bay, six L.G.M.s were going over some inspection papers when they noticed a big red dinosaur-like creature in a green janitor uniform wearing glasses.

"Hello," they said together. "Don't be shy."

"Shy?" scoffed the janitor. "Who's being shy? I'm just cleaning the floor and stuff."

"Clean is awesome!" exclaimed the L.G.M.s together.

"Yeah, it's the coolest thing ever!" exclaimed the janitor.

"All L.G.M.s. report to launch bay," ordered the announcer.

The bay doors opened and the L.G.M.s walked through.

The obese janitor couldn't resist walking through. He was lost in thought as he was wondering around all the Star Command rockets.

"Wow, here's the pre-1900s Star Command rocket," said the janitor. Then he moved from all the ships from the 20th century to the ships to the present.

"Wow!" he exclaimed as he looked at the ship that was being development. "Is that the future Star Command ship?"  
"Well, it won't matter to you if you're not here at Star Command to see it," snapped a stern voice.

"What are you talking about?" asked the janitor. Then he turned to see a stern-looking man looking at him. He frightened him. "I was just, em – " He got out a mop and started mopping, but the officer wasn't buying it.

"You don't fool me with that crap," snapped the officer. "Guess what, pal, you're through!"  
"You have no authority to say who's through, like me!" snapped Buzz to the officer.

"Captain Lightyear!" The officer saluted.

"Oh, goody! Buzz!" The relived janitor sighed.

Buzz stroked the floor with his finger. "Ah, space dust. This place is filthy as hell and we have about warnings from twenty space health inspectors each. That's why this young man is in here with his mop. Carry on, Booster!"

"Yes, sir!" replied Booster as he carried on mopping.

"My mistake, sir," the officer apologized.

"Beat it, Corporal," ordered Buzz.

The corporal went back to his duty.

"Third time this week, Booster!" snapped Buzz. "Look, I know you wanna be a space ranger but this is not the way to be one."

"But I'm working my fat butt keeping this whole space station clean and studying for the final space test," moaned Booster. "The only thing that doesn't make me quit from all the stress is the fantasy in my head where I'm the hero and I'm gonna be the greatest Star Command space ranger; even better than you, Buzz!"

Buzz was a little shocked about that last comment, but he completely shook it off. "Well, since you put that way, don't give up your fantasy. I still have my fantasy on all the time, even when I'm flying my Star Command cruiser. But don't tell anyone."

Then his wrist communicator beeped. "Buzz Lightyear to Science Bay," said an L.G.M. voice.

"Gotta run, Booster," said Buzz. "Keep up the good work."

"Yes, sir," said Booster, as he kept mopping.

"Oh, Booster?"

"Yes, sir."  
"If I catch sneaking in here again, I won't help you next time and, if you get fired, tough!" Then Buzz was gone.

"Okay, Buzz," whined Booster quietly.

* * *

On Planet Z, there stood the biggest building of all: Zurg Tower. And inside it, Evil Emperor Zurg entered his armour room.

"Good morning, lackeys," said Zurg. "How's my new henchman coming on?"  
"They'll finish him in two minutes, dog," said Brain Pod Robert.

"Does he have a flame thrower?" asked Zurg. "And a sword? And a nuclear bomb? And Wolverine's knives?"

"He has a bomb that could wipe out an entire planet, including himself," said Brain Pod Arch.

The grubs were working on a huge metal suit.

"His gun arm seems to be right," said Lester the grub.

"But how well can it fire?" asked Holt the grub.

Then the gun fired and it shot Lester to the wall.

"Oh, better than my rifle," moaned Lester.

"Finally!" snapped a male voice coming out of the suit. Then it started to move and get off the table.

"I shall call you Agent Z!" Zurg declared.

"That's bullshit!" scoffed the metal man.

"That was my mother's nickname for me when I was four!" snapped Zurg.

"He's been saving that name for the evillest henchmen ever in the Zurg dynasty," said Tim the grub. "Being a Christian and not a Satanist, I would never know."

"Since you put that way," said Agent Z, "I love that name, Agent Z. Especially the whole Z thing. Yep, definitely the whole Z thing."

"You don't fool me with that crap," said Zurg. "But because all of you did to get this rank, I'm gonna let you off. But if you ever argue with me again – "

"Yo, if I can interrupt, sir?" said Brain Pod Kenny. "Your spy drone is on the planet of the green weirdoes, man."

"Excellent!" smiled Zurg. "Come, Agent Z. Let's see if we can't find this so-called Uni-Mind!"

"I'll bet we do," said Agent Z, "and, if I win, I'll lead the attack myself."

"And if you lose," said Zurg, "you'll be in charge of cleaning my tower for two months."

They went to the spy room.

* * *

On the planet of the Little Green Men, the huge horns were being blown. Then a hidden compartments with stairs appeared everywhere on the planet and the L.G.M.s went down. They were all busy walking down the stairs that no one noticed Zurg's spy drone turning into a balloon body disguised as a L.G.M. It walked down under a doorway, which took it down the stairs and it entered a big room where it joined all the other L.G.M.s.

The Chief of the L.G.M.s. stood above them and above a metal platform. "The Uni-Mind!" he shouted.

The platform opened and a giant hook went down. Everyone watched it picked up the big bright planet-look-like orb.

"We are one," said the chief, touching the Uni-Mind.

"We are one," said the other L.G.M.s, waving their antennas.

"We are healthy," said the chief.

"We are healthy."

"We do not have bathroom problems."

"We do not have bathroom problems," said the L.G.M.s.

"I think I have rectum cancer," said one.

"In other words, you have cancer in your ass," joked one.

* * *

Back on Planet Z, Zurg and his minions had watched the whole thing on a big screen that was linked through the spy drone's hidden camera.

"I must have this Uni-Mind," cried Zurg. Then he turned to Agent Z. "Launch an attack on the Planet of the Little Green Men."

"Oh, goody!" cried Agent Z. "A chance to use this." Flames came out of his gun arm.

"Oh, a flamethrower!" exclaimed Zurg. "You got anything else that's exciting."

"Yeah, I got this ass bomb," replied Agent Z.

"Ass bomb?"

"Yeah, I bend over," Agent Z went on demonstrating, "and I press this red button above my ass and then – " He was about to press it, when –

"Stop!" yelled Zurg. "We don't need _that_ for this mission. Now get over there and steal that orb!"


	4. Meet XR

Buzz entered the science bay. "What's up, fellas?" he asked the L.G.M.s.

"We heard about your fight with Nebula," said the chief scientist.

"So what?" snapped Buzz. "You gonna report this to the President of the Galactic Alliance and get me into trouble?"

"No, man!" snapped the chief. "We've solved your partner problem."

"How can I have a partner problem if I don't have a partner?" asked Buzz. "Maybe don't _even _want a partner?"

"We just hope X.R. will change your mind," said the chief.

"Who the hell is X.R.?" asked Buzz.

Then he and the other L.G.M.s turned to face two more L.G.M.s in front of a metal door.

"All right, pay attention now," announced one of the L.G.M.s. "Sick of losing partners and getting new partners and losing them again? Well, here is your chance of never letting that happen in the future."  
"The experiment ranger a.k.a. X.R.!" announced the other L.G.M.

Then the metal door shot up and Buzz saw what came out was a something that had a Star Command torso with a golden face with a helmet over it. It also had metal arms and legs with caterpillars for its feet. "X.R., reporting for duty," said the robot.

"Kinda short, ain't he?" said Buzz.

He was right. The robot was only an inch above the L.G.M.s. "So's Peter Dinklage, Danny Woodburn and Elijah Wood. So what?"

"Those guys may have defeated evil in those fantasy worlds," said Buzz, "but in science fiction stuff like this, they wouldn't stand a chance. Just like this hobbit robot here."

"Oh, shut up and watch this," said the L.G.M.s.

Buzz saw three L.G.M.s. firing Star Command blasters at the robot. It was now a pile of scrap.

"I'm not getting the point of this," said Buzz.

"Just keep watching!" snapped one L.G.M.

The L.G.M.s went to the scrap pile with a bunch of tools and later the robot was back on his caterpillars.

"The point is if Zurg blows up X.R.," said the chief, "we can put him back together."  
"Yeah, we know how you feel about losing Warp," said one, "so, with X.R., you won't have that experience."

"Hmm," pondered Buzz. "You do have more than one points and this is tempting and intriguing, but three things: One: If it's not a girl human or organic life form so I can't have sex with it if I fancied it. Two: what about Nebula? He hates robots."

"Well, for Nebula, he doesn't exactly know," said the Chief. "Now what was the third thing you wanted to say?"

"That he's in this room and has heard you," said Buzz.

"Ah, that's a good one, Buzz," laughed one L.G.M.

Then throat clearing heard from the top of the stairs of the science bay. Everyone looked to see an angry Nebula walking down.

"Hello, Commander," said the L.G.M.s.

"Who gave you authorization to build that expendable ranger?" demanded Nebula.

"You, sir," said the Chief, giving him a clipboard.

Nebula read the paperwork. "They slipped this permission for building a robot with their vacation request," he told Buzz, "despite me telling them no robot can stand up to a real ranger."

"Which is why we developed this artificial intelligence chip," said the chief.

"The same A.I. chip Steven Spielberg gave you guys when he made his child robot movie?" cried an excited Buzz.

"Yeah, but you will be more like a twenty-year-old gap brother towards X.R. instead of a mother," said one L.G.M, as he pressed black remote with a red button.

"A brother?" gasped Buzz.

"Like a male Miley Cyrus and a male Noah Cyrus," said one L.G.M.

"What we mean is he'll look up to you when you take him out on a test run as your new partner," replied another L.G.M.

"Ligthyear, I already told you!" snapped Nebula. "That girl is your new partner!"

"Why won't anyone listen to me?" yelled Buzz. "No more goddamn, headstrong, good-looking, free-to-argue partners!"

"But, Buzz – " But then the L.G.M.s waved their antennas.

"What the hell are they doing?" asked Nebula.

"It's their mind-link thing," replied Buzz.

"Evil!" cried the L.G.M.s.

"Is it Zurg?" asked Buzz.

The L.G.M.s gasped. "His dark forces invade our home planet!"

"They're destroying my favourite theme park!" cried one.

"They're taking all the money from the L.G.M. bank!" cried another.

"They're putting bombs in the toilets!" cried a third.

"I'm on my way," said Buzz, running out.

"I'm on my way," said X.R., following him.

* * *

Soon, Buzz's rocket took off.

In his cockpit, the space ranger opened his wrist communicator. "Buzz Lightyear mission log, Zurg's dark forces have invaded – "

He stopped when he heard X.R. copying him.

"Will you stop that?" snapped Buzz.

"Will you stop that?" X.R. snapped back.

"You know, this isn't funny," warned Buzz. "You're giving me a bloody headache."  
"You know, this isn't funny," X.R. repeated. "You're giving me a bloody headache."

"Oh, God," sighed Buzz, as he faced forwards.

"Oh, God," sighed X.R.

"If I – "

"If I – "

" – have to – "

" – have to – "

" – put up with a metal idiot – "

" – put up with a metal idiot – "

"Oh, look who's talking!" snapped Buzz.

"Oh, look who's talking!" snapped X.R.

* * *

On the L.G.M. planet, Zurg's armies were attacking the L.G.M.s.

"Let's get to the Uni-Mind!" they shouted as they ran down the stairs.

All the L.G.M.s ran down the stairs to the Uni-Mind.

"Protect the Uni-Mind!" ordered the L.G.M. leader.

All the L.G.M.s held hands with one and another. "We are one!" they chanted together. "We are united! We are powerful! We are awesome! We are sexy! We are glorious! We are – "

The roof came down, knocking the L.G.M.s down.

" – scared as hell!" they finished together. Then they looked up. "Oh, (bleep)!"

Hornets jumped down from the hole in the ceiling and faced the Uni-Mind. They aimed for it, but they were shot down. The L.G.M.s looked up in the sky to see Buzz Lightyear and X.R.

"At ease, little green dudes," smiled Buzz. "Star Command is on the job."

More hornets fired at them. Buzz flew around at one end of the room firing at them and X.R. who flew on a Star Command rocket-pack at the other end and fired at the other hornets with two little Star Command blasters.

Soon the whole room was cleared.

"At ease, little green dudes," said X.R. "Star Command is on the job."

Then a green blaster shot pass them. They turned around to see Agent Z firing at them.

"Ah, one of Zurg's game changer, are you?" Buzz said to his new foe. He and X.R. fired at Agent Z, but he flew off.

"We've got him on the run!" cried Buzz, as he and X.R. went after him.

They saw him go into a huge pile of heavy smoke.

"We've got him on the – run?" X.R. couldn't find Agent Z as he and his human partner came out of the smoke. They looked around. Then they just missed green firing behind them. Agent Z passed them and they gave chase again.

"Man, that guy's tough," said Buzz. Then he fired his laser which hit Agent Z's wings, causing him to fall. "But I'm a badass daddy," Buzz smiled, feeling proud of himself.

Agent Z fell on top of a building and fired at the Star Command rangers, who hid on top of the roof of a lower building. A hit near X.R. caused him to fall off the roof.

"X.R.!" cried Buzz. Then he saw a hook being fired to the top of the roof and his robot partner rolling back to his position. "Man, that guy's tough, but I'm a badass daddy."

"Hmm, I must be more inspirational and influential than I consider myself," said Buzz. "Anyway, since you're a quick learner, check this out."

Buzz set his laser to auto firing. His laser was now firing at Agent Z like mad. Buzz took his right arm out of his firing glove and he and X.R. slowly made their way down the roof.

"I'll bet it'll take him a million years to even think that could even happen," Buzz scoffed. Then he gasped as he saw Agent Z aiming his big gun at him.

"It didn't even take me a microsecond," said Z.

Buzz quickly ran back to the top to grab his laser glove, but it was shot to pieces. "X.R., gun!" he ordered.

"X.R., gun!" X.R. got out all his arms, each holding a gun.

Agent Z fired a little green candle into the canon that came out of X.R.'s torso.

"A candle?" laughed Buzz. "What harm can a candle – "

BOOM! X.R.'s pieces floated to the ground.

"X.R.!" cried Buzz.

"System malfunction!" groaned X.R., as he stopped moving.

"I'd say, 'You're tough, but I'm a badass daddy'," said Agent Z, "but you're not even tough." He shot Buzz on the torso and the space ranger fell off the roof.

Agent Z then turned around and looked at his wrist communicator. "Agent Z to Zurg, the Uni-Mind is all yours."

The L.G.M.s screamed, panicked and cried when the Uni-Mind was picked up by three little rockets that were taking it to one of Zurg's space freighter.

Agent Z got into his own smaller purple spaceship and joined the space freighter on their way back to Planet Z.

* * *

Back on the ground, Buzz picked himself up and opened his wrist communicator. "Buzz Lightyear, mission log. I'm afraid the mission was a complete and utter failure. The Uni-Mind has been captured and we've got a ranger down." As he said those last five words, he looked at his destroyed partner.


	5. Zurg's Plan takes Shape

Buzz leaned over the Science Bay bench, looking at X.R.'s pieces. The L.G.M.s gathered around.

"You can fix him, right?" Buzz asked them.

"Can we?" asked one L.G.M.

"I don't know," said another.

"Ever since Zurg kidnapped that Uni-Mind," said a third one, "I feel like a retard now."  
"Oh, please try!" begged Buzz, getting on his knees. "I lost my blue-skinned person partner! I can't lose my robot partner! Oh, please! Please! Please!"

"All right, all right, we'll try!" snapped the Chief L.G.M.

Soon Buzz watched the L.G.M.s put his robot partner back together. He saw the torso being connected to the legs. Then the arms were connected. Then his metal face and his helmet went back on. Then they put inside him a rubber duck, an umbrella, plastic parts of the human body including a penis and a pair of breasts, a bunch of _Starboy_ magazines, MacDonald's _Toy Story_ toys and a load of other crap including pouring beer cans into his fuel cap.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Nebula, as he entered the Science Bay. "They really need that Uni-whatever-the-hell-it-is. That bastard, Zurg! Trying to cripple our operation!"

"If that's all Zurg wanted, Commander," said Buzz, "he would've just destroyed the Uni-Mind instead of having Agent Z waste time stealing it."

"Well, if he stole it," said Nebula, "I bet it's not good."  
"Not good?" exclaimed Buzz. "I bet this is Zurg's most evil, most badass, most disgusting, most gross-out, yet easiest to defeat plan yet!"

* * *

"This is my most evil, most badass, most disgusting, most gross-out plan yet!" cried Zurg as he observed the Uni-Mind in his tower's observatory room.

"You forgot 'easiest to defeat'," moaned Brain Pod Arch.

"Well, depending on your brains," said Zurg, "we won't have to worry about that, will we? Speaking of brains, how close are you to accomplishing my plan?"  
"Well, we got the Uni-Mind here," said Brain Pod Arch. "We just don't know how to turn it from good to evil."

"Well, find out now!" yelled Zurg.

"Maybe tomorrow," said Brain Pod Arch.

Zurg's eyes shot red lasers next to Brain Pod Arch. "(Bleep) you, Shit Brain!" he yelled. "And (beep) all my staff! 'If you want something turned evil, turn it evil yourself.' My wife, Nana Zurg, always said that to me. She was a moaner and a pain in the ass, but she was plenty evil."

Zurg moved to the Uni-Mind and put his metal wing on it. Where he touched it started to go purple and the purple grew and grew.

"There's a lot of evil overload, man!" cried Brain Pod Kenny, as he and the staff ran from the sparkling computers.

"Hurry up!" Zurg shouted to the Uni-Mind, as he kept holding his wing on it. "My arm's aching!"

Soon the good orange and green Uni-Mind was now a fully evil purple one now. "Nana Zurg would be so proud," Zurg sobbed happily.

"I thought red was meant to be the colour of evil," moaned Tim the grub.

Zurg's eyes were glowing red and aimed for Tim. "Are you saying I'm not evil enough?"

"No, no, no," said Tim. "I'm sure Jesus doesn't like purple either."

"All rangers, report to briefing room! All rangers, report to briefing room!"

* * *

Outside the briefing room, Booster was mopping. He was aware of something was happening as the rangers went past him.

"What's going on, guys?" he asked them.

"Sorry, can't talk," said one male ranger.

"Top secret," said one female ranger.

"Assuming all the alarms and the attentions," Booster shouted to the rangers who went through, "I take it this is the biggest and most dangerous mission for Star Command yet!"

"Well, if this makes you feel better for not joining this mission, Booster," said Buzz, as he past him, "the Rangers who train on levels one to six aren't going to be involved, either." Then the door closed behind him.

"Yeah, a fat lot of good that makes me feel," moaned Booster, as he picked up his bucket and slumped away.

* * *

On the briefing room table appeared a hologram of the Uni-Mind.

"This is the Uni-Mind for the L.G.M.s," said Buzz pointed out. "For some reason we don't know, but we can all amuse that is evil, Zurg's Agent Z stole the Uni-Mind."

"Well, I know one thing, for sure," said Nebula. "I plan to beat him to the punch."  
"We're launching a full scale assault on Planet Z," added Buzz.

"Whoa! Full Scale?"

Everyone looked behind to see X.R. with three L.G.M.s.

"Buzz, don't jump to stuff that's gonna get blood or bolts and screws on your hands," said X.R. "I mean, did you ever think about negotiations?"

"X.R.?" Buzz knew this was _not_ his robot partner.

"How about this, Buzz?" went on X.R. "Monday to Wednesday, the whole universe belongs to Zurg. But from Thursday to Saturday, it's ours. We share Sundays. What do you think?"

"Bloody hell fire!" Nebula shouted at the L.G.M.s. "What the hell did you guys do to him?"

"We think we fixed him," said one L.G.M.

"We also think we upgraded him," added another.

"That I'll agree with you," smiled X.R.

"Get that five-year-old piece of shit outta here!" order Nebula.

"I have the right to sue you for child abuse!" shouted X.R., as the L.G.M.s picked him up and walked out.

"You see why those green idiots need the Uni-Mind?" Buzz said the other rangers.

"No," said one ranger.

"I think they're just depressed from losing their orb," said a second ranger.

"I thought they were just being really thick as their three eyes together," said a third ranger.

Nebula cleared his throat. "So, anyway, as I was saying – "

"Excuse me, Commander," interrupted Mira. "I've been studying Planet Z and its defence systems and I was thinking that – "

"That a small one man space freighter can penetrate through the defences," Buzz finished. "And, with the _Alpha One_, I can – "

"Excuse me!" snapped Mira. "It was _my_ idea. I should go!"

"Sorry, Princess, but you don't have the experience to take on a tough mission," said Buzz. "But, if this plan does work, you will get full credit for being the brains and that'd better be good for you, because you're not gonna get anything else."

"You know, you two really should be partners," said Nebula. "Because you're both good-looking, but stupid diva assholes!"

Buzz and Mira jumped. "But, Commander – "

"Shut up!" yelled Nebula. "Besides the _Alpha One_ is an antique and my most favourite ship. Nobody's taking it. We're doing this battle _my_ way. Star Command will launch a full scale assault at 0800 hours!"

"You mean we don't launch in 800 hours?" asked one ranger.

"No!" yelled Nebula. "We launch an attack in three hours."

* * *

On Planet Z, Zurg and Agent Z watched his minions working on the Uni-Mind.

"Soon the whole universe will be under my command!" he cheered himself.

"As long as Lightyear's around," said Agent Z, "I have my doubts."  
"Well, try and be more like me," said Zurg. "A calm and cool chicken." Then he turned to his minions. "Get the Uni-Mind up there where it belongs!" he shouted at them.

Three little rockets took the Uni-Mind to the very top of a big gun on top of the tower and put it inside the muzzle.

"Right," said Zurg. "Prepare to fire a test shot."  
The gun sounded like it was revving up and little purple sparks sparkled, but then everything went silent and still.

"I don't know what I did wrong," said Kendra the grub, who was the gun operator.

"Did you make sure that the red plus went to the plus part and the grey minus went to the minus end?" yelled Zurg, aiming his laser eyes for her.

Kendra quickly drove her scooter to the giant red battery and the plus and the minus were the wrong way round.

"I still can't tell," said Kendra. "I also suffer from colour blindness."

Zurg sighed. "Being an evil dictator had better be worth this."

* * *

Soon the whole space station was preparing for the battle of Planet Z.

The L.G.M.s was checking the rocket ships and the weapons, while the Space Rangers were preparing for battle. By meaning that, they were snoozing. Even the Commander was taking a nap.

In the _Alpha One _hanger bay, Mira came through the wall and walked to the ship. She reached the door and tried to open the door.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" snapped Buzz.

"I was just checking the door of this ship," Mira lied.

"Well, I have to take you to Nebula," said Buzz. "But first I'm gonna check that door, if that's all right with you."

Mira smiled. "Sure, sir."

She moved out of the way and Buzz went for the door. Then she put her hand on his head. Buzz's head started to glow and his eyes began to drift off. "Tengan brain freeze," he yawned. Then he fell to the ground.

"I thought of this plan, I got here first," Mira shouted at the unconscious Buzz, "and it's me who should have all the glory, not _you_!"

* * *

"Who the bloody hell authorized that launch?" shouted Nebula in his command deck, as he saw _Alpha One_ fly away.

"Not one of us," said one L.G.M. "Was it?"

"Not me," said another.

"Not me," said a third. "I was alert all the time."  
"I nodded off for five minutes," said a fourth L.G.M. "And I was leaning on my desk. So I must have pressed a button."

"It was the princess, Commander," said Buzz, walking to the commander. "I tried to stop her, but she brain-froze me."

"She's smarter than you think she is, huh?" smiled Nebula.

Buzz sighed. "All right, I admit it."  
"Well, seeing as she's your partner, you'd better go and get her, son," said Nebula.

"Yes, sir." Buzz saluted and ran off. Then he came back. "But I still don't view her as my partner, sir."

* * *

Back on Planet Z, Kendra the grub was back at the targeting computer. "System's back online, my Evil Emperor," she reported to Zurg.

Zurg put his wing on her. "You sure this time?"

"The grubs who don't suffer from colour blindness say so," replied Kendra.

Zurg moved on. "Let's test it on something before we hit Star Command," he said to the minions. "We need a target that won't shoot back."

"May I suggest Planet Bean, man?" suggested Brain Pod Kenny.

"Mr. Bean's home planet!" cried Zurg happily. "Yes, hilarious suggestion, Brain Pod Kenny West. By the way, how long have you been in my evil organization?"

"In total?" asked Brain Pod Kenny. "Ever since I've been a brain in a jar? Or the time when your forces kidnapped me and took my ass to persuade me to join you?"

"Brain in a jar," said Zurg.

"Four years, five months, three weeks, two weeks and forty seconds next week," replied Brain Pod Kenny.

"Well, keep up the good work," said Zurg, who began to move away.

"Well, now you mentioned it…" Kenny followed and got in front of him. "I'm sure you get this a lot, but you promised me that if I gave up my ass and kept my brain for you, you would give me more a promotion, a raise and my own private island planet."

Zurg grabbed him by the throat. "No! No one asks me that and do you know why?"

"No, man!" chocked Brain Pod Kenny.

"Because of this!" Zurg's eyes began to grow red.

"Sir, we are ready to hit Planet Bean," said Kendra.

"Then fire before someone else tells me his or her life story!" ordered Zurg, as he let go of Brain Pod Kenny.

The big gun fired.

On Planet Bean, Mr. Bean was driving through a giant high street in his mini yellow flying saucer, resembling his yellow mini. His co-passenger was Teddy, his teddy bear. A red light overtook them.

"Oh, look, Teddy," said Bean, pointing to the sky. "A big red light."

Then it came down and went through them. The mini saucer crashed into some bins. As Bean got out, his eyes were glowing red. He picked up Teddy and ripped him.

"Evil rules!" he shouted.

"I control everyone on the planet!" cheered Zurg. "Oh, this is fun. What shall we hit next?"

Brain Pod Kenny stepped forward. "Well, there's Planet Vulcan, Planet Krypton, Planet Endor – "

"No, I don't want those irritating bears!" snapped Zurg.

"How about Third Earth?" suggest Brain Pod Fright Train.

"Planet of the Thundercats?"

"You always said you wanted a cat and now you can have all the cats you can have, fool!"

"Good point," said Zurg.

The big gun fired again.

"I can feel it!" he cried. "I can control every mind on two planets! I can make them do what I want whenever I want."

"When are you gonna allow them to go to the bathroom?" asked Brain Pod Arch.

* * *

In space, Buzz's rocket caught up with _Alpha One_. "_Alpha One_, power down your engines!" Buzz ordered.

On his video screen, Mira's pretty face showed up. "Come on, Buzz," she snapped. "You know my plan will work."

"It is a good plan," said Buzz, "but it's not worth standing up in front of a firing squad for disobeying Nebula's orders!"  
_Alpha One _zoomed on and Buzz had no choice but to go after her. The red ship went into the giant of the nearest planet. Mira thought she had lost him.

"Hmm, I must be so damn good," she said to herself proudly.

But, as she zoomed out of the ring, ahead of her was Buzz's ship. Buzz fired a red rod from his ship to _Alpha One_.

"Not even half as good as me, Princess," he said, as he dragged the red ship towards his ship.

Mira was trying to break off.

"Easy off those thrusters, Mira!" Buzz ordered on her radio. "You're only going to burn them out."

"Ah, (bleep) you!" Mira shouted, as she turned the engine off.


	6. After Lightyear!

Mira got out of her ship in Buzz's rocket. She walked towards Buzz.

"Ranger Nova, that was the most bullshit, crappiest, least attractive space stunt I've ever seen!" snapped Buzz.

"Kind of reminds you of yourself, huh?" said Mira.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Buzz.

"I read your biography: _Buzzing Around the Universe_," said Mira Nova. "It mentions the time you hit a few rookies when you were training to be a ranger – "

"By accident!" protested Buzz.

"The time you hit the President of – "

"I'm suing the biographer!" Buzz interrupted again.

"And finally," went on Mira, "there was the time you jerked off in front of Pofgy Hultren the singer."

"I was drunk and – " Buzz couldn't think of any more excuses. "Yeah, all right, I'll admit it. This _does_ remind me off myself."

Then noise and chatter came from the store room. Buzz and Mira readied their lasers as they went to the door and opened it.

"Hello?" said Buzz.

The intruders, who were none other than X.R. and Booster, screamed. Booster was trying on a spacesuit, but his obesity ripped it off. He covered up his nakedness with his arms.

"Simple question," said Buzz. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Yeah, buddy!" shouted X.R. to Booster. "What the (beeping) hell are you doing here? We want (beeping) answers and we want them (beeping) now!"

"I meant both of you!" shouted Buzz.

"What?" exclaimed X.R. as he turned around to face Buzz. "Well, if you want the whole story, here it is – "

* * *

_Back on the station, after Nebula ordered the L.G.M.s to take X.R. out of the Briefing Room, they were walking where Booster was cleaning._

_"Hey, where are guys going with the robot?" he asked them._

_"I prefer the term 'Experimental Ranger'," said X.R._

_The L.G.M.s had an idea. "We were looking for you, Booster."_

"_You remember always moaning about you're the only janitor on this station?" asked one. "And you're moaning how you do lots of hard work and get less payment than a training rookie?"_

"_Well, you can use him for a cleaning partner," said a second._

"_You'll love him," said the third._

_The L.G.M.s left the two together. _

"_So what can you do?" asked Booster._

"_Let me demonstrate, Chubbs," smiled X.R. Then he got out a gun and aimed it for the ceiling. "Say hello to my little friend!"_

"_No!" snapped Booster. "I meant cleaning-wise."_

"_Oh," moaned X.R._

* * *

_A couple of hours later, Booster and X.R. were cleaning the cafeteria. Booster was pushing the robot that used mops under his feet instead of his feet to mop around the floor._

_"How long do we have to do this, man?" moaned X.R._

_"We could be at this cafeteria for a while," replied Booster. "Maybe two hours or three."_

_X.R. broke free from Booster's big arms and his mops turned back into his feet. "Oh, (beep) this," said X.R. "Let's ditch this and do something fun."_

_"No way!" snapped Booster. "I am not letting Buzz down. I can't."_

_"Buzz?" said X.R. "As in Lightyear?"  
"Well, I don't know any other Buzz here," said Booster._

_"Well, there's Buzz Darkmonth, Buzz Brightweek and Buzz Crapday," said X.R. "But I was once Buzz Lightyear's partner. And I can give you a few tips."_

_"I'm listening," said Booster._

_"Do you really you're gonna be a space ranger just by cleaning the space station?" said X.R. "I can give you a tour of Buzz's ship."  
"Really?" cried Booster, jumping up and down happily. "That would be the coolest thing ever!"_

_"Well, come on, then!"_

_Then the dinosaur-like alien and his robot cleaning robot went to the launch bay._

_Soon they were in Buzz's rocket. Booster was in Buzz's seat, while X.R. was in the co-pilot seat._

* * *

_"Star Command," said Booster, "this is Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear reporting. We have just destroyed the _Death Star_ and saved Yavin Four. We are now on our way to destroy the _Narada _before it destroys planet Vulcan. To infinity and beyond!"_

_X.R. was not really playing; he was more interested in his _Playbot_ magazines. But he was getting irritated by Booster's firing mimics._

_"Whoo!" went on the enthusiastic alien. "Watch out! We're going into the asteroid field!"_

_Then he acted like he was spinning the ship. "Oh, no! We got a squad of TIE fighters near behind. Chewbecca, get to the gun turrets!"_

"_On my way, Captain," said X.R., without much interest. Then he lifted his arm up and mimicked firing. "All TIEs defeated, Captain."_

"_We are leaving the asteroid field," said Booster. "We are five hundred yards away from the _Narada_."_

"_Captain," said X.R. "I hate to interrupt but someone's coming!"_

"_Is it a Sith Lord?" asked Booster._

"_No, seriously," said X.R. "I think the real Buzz is coming in here."_

"_I shouldn't be here!" gasped Booster. "I'm gonna get fired, convicted, executed and never get to be a space ranger!"_

"_Stop panicking and follow me!" snapped X.R._

_Then Buzz went to his seat. He sat down but couldn't reach the controls, because it was too far back._

"_Hmm, that's odd," said Buzz. Then he put his seat right. "But nothing that can't be fixed."_

_He didn't notice X.R. and Booster in the glass booth behind him. They managed to get up and get out of it, before the rocket blasted off. They both landed in the store room._

"_Wow!" exclaimed Booster. "He didn't see us."_

"_See, look up to X.R. as a role model and everything is a-ok," boosted X.R._

_Then, as the rocket jerked off a few times, X.R. fell onto a locker._

_"Ok," said Booster. "You're my new role model."_

_He jumped onto the same locker._

_"Never knew role models have their disadvantages," muttered X.R., under Booster's over-weight belly._

* * *

"_When the ship docks," said Booster, "we need to get out without being seen. But how?"_

_X.R. opened up some lockers. "Bingo!" he cried as he opened one up. "Spare spacesuits!" He chucked the biggest one to Booster. "Just chuck that one, wait for Buzz to leave, then walk out and no one is as clever as us."  
"Well, if _you're _so clever," said Booster, "perhaps you can help me with this."_

_X.R. saw Booster holding up his spacesuit and it still looked like a toddler's suit compared to the big dinosaur-like alien._

_"Oh, god," sighed X.R. Then he went to help his friend put the spacesuit on. It was struggle at first, but they at least managed to get him all covered up in it. Until Buzz and Mira came and then it got ripped apart and – _

* * *

"As you can see, Buzz," said X.R., "we made this mess, but, as highly recommended janitors, there's nothing we can clean up." He got out his brush.

"It wasn't _my_ fault this time, Buzz," Booster said nervously, as his angry idol approached him. "He tricked me into – "

"Any space ranger, even the rookies, would know that's no crap excuse!" yelled Buzz. "This time you have really set – The alarm!"

"I didn't set that off, Buzz," said Booster. "I swear."

"Red alert!" shouted Buzz, as he, Mira, X.R. and Booster, who managed to get his janitor's uniform back on, ran back to the cockpit.

In the cockpit, everyone saw a wave purple heading towards them. Buzz flipped the throttle and the ship moved out of the way.

"It's headed towards Star Command!" cried Mira. She was not wrong.

"The station looks oakie-dokie," said Booster.

"Buzz Lightyear to Star Command," Buzz said to the radio. "Come in, Star Command." But all the radio got was static. "I don't like this."

* * *

The Star Command station had all its lights and power off.

"It's dark as hell here," said Mira, as she, Buzz and Booster held torches. X.R.'s eyes lit up lights which held him see through the dark.

They approached the main control deck.

"I can't see anything," said Mira. "There's no casualties, no fires and no pipes burst."

"My scanner is picking up something," said Buzz, looking at his scanner.

"Lightyear! How good of you to join us!"

Buzz turned around to see a pair of red eyes. "Zurg?"

But when he turned his torch back on, it wasn't Zurg; it was Nebula! With red eyes.

Everyone saw all the L.G.M.s and the other space rangers had the red eyes.

"Lemme guess, Zurg," said Buzz to all the space rangers. "You used the Uni-Mind to link my fellow rangers to your evil and now you're planning on taking over the entire Galactic Federation."

"Ten out of ten," said Zurg's voice that came through an L.G.M.

"And here's your reward," said Zurg's voice through Nebula.

"What?" Buzz asked excitedly.

"This." Nebula got out a Star Command rocket launcher and fired at Buzz and his friends, who luckily missed them. Soon all the rangers and the L.G.M.s were firing at them.

"Back to the ship, people!" ordered Buzz.

They all ran for it, except X.R.

"People? Does that include me? I'm only five and I don't know wherever robots are people or not."

Buzz just grabbed him.

They ran through the corridor to the launch bay, but they were blocked off by space rangers and L.G.M.s.

"No, Mira!" yelled Buzz, as he stopped her from firing at them. "I know they're under delusion as Zurg's minions, but, deep inside, they're still our fellow rangers."

"Then how do you suggest we get pass them?" asked Mira.

"I have an idea," said Booster. "Or should I say _we_ have an idea?"

Booster grabbed X.R. Then the robot's legs turned into his mops.

"Oh, no," moaned X.R. "My feet are still aching from cleaning."

Booster frowned at him. "You haven't got any more in you to – "

"Will you guys shut up and just push them away!" yelled Mira.

Booster and X.R. ran for to the Star Command staff and knocked them down.

"Let's move!" shouted Buzz.

They went through into the launch bay. The door closed behind them and Mira fired along the middle of the door to stop the space rangers coming through.

"Good work, people," said Buzz.

"What about me?" demanded X.R.

"You, too, robot," said Buzz.

They all went into Buzz's ship and took off.

"If Zurg has taken control of everyone at Star Command," said Mira, "that means _we're_ the only good ones left."  
"I can't make contact with the Star Command outer posts," said Buzz.

"Probably Zurg's got them, too," said Mira.

"So what are we going to do?" asked Booster.

"We've got to take the battle to Zurg," replied Buzz.

"Really?" said X.R., as he looked at the radar. "Looks like it's the other way round."

X.R. was correct. In space, the Star Command fleet that was preparing itself for Planet Z was now heading for Buzz's ship. And they started firing.

Luckily, Buzz knew a few manoeuvres to avoid the firing.

"I had no idea a star cruiser could pull a move like that!" exclaimed an impressed Mira.

"Neither did Zurg," smiled Buzz. "And I bet even Han Solo could never do this."

* * *

Away from the fleet, the _Millennium Flacon_ had its own Imperial fleet to flee from. In the cockpit, Luke Skywalker had watched Buzz's rocket's manoeuvres.

"Why don't you copy this guy's manoeuvres, Han?" asked Luke to Han Solo.

"Watch your mouth, kid, or you're gonna find yourself flying home!" snapped Han. "Besides, my manoeuvres are ten times better than his. We'll lose them."

Then the ship got hit.

"You were saying?" snapped Luke.

Chewbecca roared angrily.

* * *

Back in Buzz's ship, there was a very weird beeping sound.

"Mira, check outside!" ordered Buzz.

Mira went through the ship's ceiling and, putting a breathing shield around her, she saw an object with red beeping outside the ship.

"We got a bomb!" she shouted.

"Oh, what a relief!" sighed Booster.

"All calm and cool, man," said X.R.

After a few seconds later, they realised. "A BOMB?" they shouted together.

"Perfect!" smiled Buzz.

"What's perfect about that?" asked Booster.

* * *

In space, Nebula and the entire Star Command fleet watched Buzz's ship fly on its own.

"At last, for too long, Lightyear has haunted me," said Zurg's voice through Nebula's mouth.

Then the ship exploded into pieces.

"But no more!"

Zurg's laughter came through every space ranger, as they headed back to Star Command space station.

No one seemed to notice the _Alpha One_ was behind one of the destroyed wings and was still in one piece. The rangers and Booster were alive and unhurt, but also very quiet.

"Why are we being quiet?" asked Booster.

"I'm just pausing in honour of my ship," replied Buzz.

"What, that junk of metal?" said X.R.

"Look who's talking," said Mira.

"Hey, at least I can fly, fire a gun and say cool action hero lines," retorted X.R.

"Well, looking on the positive side," said Buzz, "Zurg thinks I'm dead, I got him where I want him and I can't see anything disadvantages."

In space, there was nothing to be heard except a great, big – PHFTT!

"Sorry, guys," apologized Booster.

"Good god, man!" shouted Mira.

"You need to eat less burgers, fatso!" yelled X.R.

"I never thought this day would come," said Agent Z.

* * *

"What, destroying Buzz Lightyear?" said Zurg. "I always knew I would do it."

"Not that," said Agent Z. "Bin Laden."

"Ah, yes," said Zurg. "With him out of the way, I am now the evillest figure in the history of the universe. Somehow, evil won't be much fun without Buzz Lightyear around."

* * *

The _Alpha One_ was approaching Planet Z.

"Okay, Ranger Nova," said Buzz. "Let's test that theory of yours."

"But my research tells _me_ that no one has ever set foot on Planet Z," said Booster.

"Well, there always has to be a first,, mustn't there?" said Buzz.

The red ship got closer to the giant red planet, but they were not alone.

"Seeker drones!" cried Mira.

"Oh, no!" cried Booster.

Buzz tried to steer the ship away from the seeker drones, but he didn't have enough room. "I need more room, guys!" he yelled. "Otherwise, we're all gonna get shot or crash-land."

The others tried to get back as further as they could.

"Buzz, I think I sat on a button," said Booster.

"What button?" Mira asked.

X.R. dropped his left eye from his face and into his arm. He tried to put it behind Booster.

"I can't see behind this fat ass of yours!" snapped X.R. "Ah ha. Emergency water landing."

"Are we above water?" asked Mira.

"No," replied Booster.

"Oh, so it's all good, then," said Mira.

"Really?" said Booster.

"No, fat head!" snapped Mira. "I was being sarcastic! Because we're not over water!"

"Ah, the power's powering down already," said Buzz.

On the outside, the _Alpha_ unleashed its blue safety balloons and its red siren light came up. Buzz did his best to stop it, but it won't respond. The ship headed down towards the sewers near Zurg Tower.

Up above the sewers, a squad of hornets walked on a bridge. Then they saw a strange object down below.

"What now, fools?" asked Brain Pod Freight Train. He looked down and saw a blue cover with a red object sticking out.

"That's not a spacecraft," he said to the hornets. "It's obviously a burst weather balloon. You guys don't have brains, like me, so just do your job and let us brain guys do all the thinking. Now, move!"

Brain Pod Freight Train and the hornets moved on. Down below, Buzz and his team came out of the sewers.

"How's the ship?" asked Buzz.

X.R. got out a lead and connected it to the _Alpha_. "The ship says it's a-ok," he reported. "But it also says don't do that again, unless you're over water in future!"

"Good," said Buzz. "You three take it, then. Find all the planets Zurg hasn't hit yet and supervised immediate evacuation."  
"What about Zurg?" Mira asked.

"Leave him to me," said Buzz.

"But, Buzz, no space ranger is to go into action without backup," protested Booster. "I think it's sub-section six, sub-section delta."  
"Correction," said Buzz. "It's sub-section six, sub-section gamma."  
X.R. got out a Star Command manual out. "He's right, Chubbs. Delta is the dress code. It also includes health things here. Say, why can't we take tobacco?"

"Because tobacco is a very dangerous shit for idiots, including robots, who wants to kill themselves!" snapped Buzz.

"Well, if you can take on Zurg alone," said Mira, "I don't see why X.R. can't take tobacco."

"Especially since Nebula is now a minion of Zurg," said Booster. "We can do whatever we want."

"No!" shouted Buzz. "No one is taking tobacco. I'm facing Zurg by myself and you three are getting of this planet now! And that's an order!"

"Yes, sir," said X.R. and Booster together, as they saluted and walked to the ship.

"Ranger Nova!" Buzz gave her a warning look.

"Fine, sir," she moaned, as she gave him an unenthusiastic salute and slumped away.

"Thank you," said Buzz.

"You're not welcome!" snapped Mira.

* * *

"What haven't we hit yet?" Zurg asked Brain Pod Kenny West.

"Cyberton," said Brain Pod Kenny West. "We could have the Transformers – both good and bad – on our side."

"That's a great idea," said Zurg. "What else – "

"Well, there's Naboo and there's – "

ZAP! Flying hornets above them were getting shot. Zurg looked down and was not pleased to see how was firing at them. "Lightyear!" he growled.

"Zurg!" Buzz growled back.

He flew up Zurg Tower and aimed for Zurg. Then he was pushed away and crashed into another building He saw it was Agent Z.

"By the authority of Star Command," said Buzz, "I hereby place you under arrest."

But all Agent Z did was aimed his gun and fired at Buzz, who rolled out of the way and fired back at the evil agent, who crashed into a big light and fell to the ground.

"Very good, Lightyear," said Agent Z. "I have to admit you got me that time."

Buzz fired at the light behind him which sent him forward and Buzz punched him to the ground again.

"Like I said," said Buzz, "you're under arrest. Anything you say can and _will_ be – ."  
"Held against you and all that crap," muttered Agent Z, as he took off the helmet. "But come on, buddy, that's no need to go Jack Bauer on your partner."

Buzz was shocked as hell to see who Agent Z was when he took his helmet off. "Warp?"

Warp Darkmatter smiled as he fired his mechanic hand to Buzz, knocking him out.


	7. Evil Never Wins

Buzz groaned as he woke up, lying on the floor. He saw Darkmatter and two hornets above him.

"Surprised?" asked Darkmatter.

Then the hornets picked Buzz up.

"You're alive?" exclaimed Buzz. "Or am I dead? Or are we both in limbo? Because if we are, I'm not ready to leave the Galactic Alliance yet!"

"No, you're not dead and not in limbo," replied Darkmatter. "Not yet anyway."

"But how, who, what, when, why?"

"You left out 'where', you know," said Darkmatter. "Remember the exploding moon? Zurg's fireworks are more convincing and way more impressive than the ones at Disney World Resort in Florida."

"But, Warp – "

"Agent Z, please."

"Oh, I know what's wrong with you," said Buzz. "Amnesia."

"No," said Darkmatter.

"Evil clone?"

"No."

"Alzheimer's disease? Autism? Old age but you've been taking a lot of operations to make yourself look younger?"

"No!" snapped Darkmatter. "Look, Lightyear, I've been a spy for Zurg since the academy."

"Okay, two questions," said Buzz. "Firstly, if you wanted to defeat me and Star Command, why did you help me through all those missions and gave me all those tips when I was struggling while studying in the academy? And secondly, what must it have been like killing your fellow hornets while working for me? I bet you got a lot of bolts on your hands."

"You got _that_ bit right," said Darkmatter, showing his left hand holding a bunch of bolts. "But that's part of being evil, which is still more profitable and more fun than good. And, in answer to your first question, he'll answer it for you."

"Who?" asked Buzz.

"'He was not only a great ranger, but a great friend'," Zurg mocked him from behind him. "Remember your reaction when you thought you lost him."

He went to a screen monitor and it showed Buzz at Darkmatter's 'ceremony' at Star Command a couple of months ago. "I miss him very much," said Buzz.

"One more time!" exclaimed Zurg, as he pressed the rewind remote.

"I miss him very much," repeated Buzz.

"Again!" And Zurg kept on rewinding and playing it multiple times. "Miss him now?"

"Stop mocking me!" yelled Buzz. The hornets electrified him to shut up.

"I'll admit that in the past," Zurg said to the groaning space ranger, "you have been a badass, difficult, make-me-wanna-hit-my-helmet-with-a-hammer foe, but since you've lost your dear partner, even reading Dr. Seuss's _The Cat in the Hat_ has been more fun. So, to make life even better, I'm not gonna kill you. Now I have a much more delicious, tasty and deadly idea. I'm gonna take the galaxy's greatest hero and turn him into me."

Buzz gasped.

"Welcome to the team, partner," grinned Darkmatter. "I really missed your company, even when I was a spy. It'll be just like old times."

"This ain't my team and you ain't my partner," Buzz said. He freed himself enough room from the hornets and opened his wrist communicator. "Buzz Lightyear mission log, final entry."

"What the hell's he doing?" asked Zurg.

"Mission log," moaned Darkmatter. "He says it keeps his brain from catching Alzheimer's disease."

* * *

"Oh, God!" screamed Mira, as _Alpha One_ left Planet Z. "I feel like a janitor or a coffee maker. Insignificant!"

"Supervising evacuations from other planets?" said X.R. "If we pull this off successfully, maybe we'll be rulers of the galaxy."

"All three of us?" asked Booster.

"I don't know if anyone can hear me," said Buzz's voice, "but, as I go to my doom, I admit I was wrong about not taking a partner, even though I felt confident about not needing one and this is not an apology."

"Not an apology?" cried Mira. "Well, we're not gonna come back and rescue him, now."

"What about that janitor and coffee maker thing you mentioned earlier?" asked X.R.

That got Mira thinking. "Okay," she said, as she turned the ship around.

"We're coming, Buzz!" cried Booster.

* * *

"Buzz Lightyear, over and out," finished Buzz, as he closed his wrist communicator.

"Target Buzz Lightyear and fire," Zurg ordered to his lackeys.

"Crumb of biscuit, man," said Brain Pod Freight Train.

"'Crumb of biscuit'?" asked Brain Pod Kenny West.

"Making biscuits is easier than making cakes so 'Crumb of Biscuit' is easier than 'Piece of Cake'."

"Whatever, man," muttered Brain Pod Kenny, as he typed into the computer.

"Hey, grub-lady!" cried Brain Pod Freight Train. "We're ready to turn that sloppy softy space ranger into a hard, badass evil one."

"Okay!" cried Kendra.

The two hornets took Buzz into the nozzle of the big gun.

"Do it!" ordered Zurg.

The gun fired and it was heading for Buzz, but it didn't hit him. Because Buzz and the hornets holding him were being pulled by the long arms of X.R., who was standing outside on _Alpha One_.

"Well done, X.R.!" cried Booster, who was flying the ship.

"Man, I always hoped I would find a use for these extremely long arms," said X.R. "I feel like that member of the Fantastic Four with the long – Ah!"

Then he was getting electrified by the two hornets holding Buzz. The space ranger opened his wings to free himself and flew off.

"Darkmatter, kill Lightyear!" Zurg ordered his number one agent.

Darkmatter flew up to get Lightyear, but a nearby hornet knocked him back down.

"What the (bleep), man?" snapped Darkmatter.

Then out of the hornet came Mira who threw it onto him.

"You think I'm just a pretty face?" she smiled smugly.

* * *

Buzz flew to the big battery and started shooting at it. No matter how many times he fired, it just wouldn't cause any damage to it.

"Your Star Command laser is crappy," said Zurg. "Let me show a bigger, better and awesome weapon!"  
Some grubs loaded him his iron blaster and he fired. Buzz's wings blew off and he fell down.

* * *

X.R. was still sparkling with electricity and fell off the ship.

Booster dived the _Alpha One_ down and X.R. landed back on the ship, but hit his head on the ship's heavy metal tail. "Watch it, man!" snapped the robot.

"Well, sorry for flying as best as I can," Booster snapped back. "You don't even have a scratch on your helmet."

Then the controls were staggering and sparkling. "Oh, what now?" moaned Booster, as he tried to maintain control of the ship.

_Alpha One_ was heading straight for the control deck under the big gun. Zurg's minions cleared the platform to avoid the crashing ship. It stopped moving.

"Buzz has been hit!" reported Mira, as she appeared through the controls of the ship.

Booster screamed. "Don't do that in future! I'm a very nervous alien!" Then he looked around to see Darkmatter loading his gun. "Isn't that Buzz's dead partner?"

"Eject!" yelled Mira, as she pressed the button to get Booster's seat out to avoid Darkmatter's firing.

The number one agent was then stuck by the obese janitor, who landed on him.

"Aren't you the obese retarded janitor?" asked Darkmatter.

"Ex-janitor if I get out of this and become a _real_ space ranger," replied Booster.

* * *

Buzz had caught the edge of a platform under the big gun. He picked himself up and opened his wrist communicator.

"Mira! Booster! X.R.! I can't get to Zurg in time. It's up to you guys now and no competition between each other now. Good luck."

"Give it up, Lightyear," said Zurg's voice behind him. "I win."

"Evil never wins," said Buzz. Buzz jumped over Zurg as the evil dictator fired his gun. He couldn't find Lightyear in the dark.

"Afraid of the dark, Zurg?" asked Buzz. "Are you a – What phobia is it for people who are afraid of the dark? Whatever it is, is that what you are?"

Then Zurg's gun was shot off. "Not today, Zurg!" yelled Mira, appearing through the ceiling.

Booster picked up the gun and crunched it with his fat arms.

Mira jumped down and aimed her laser at Zurg. "Evil Emperor Zurg, by the authority of Star Command – "

"Subsection Five, subsection Charlie," added Booster. "That's the one about the evil emperor."  
"You are under arrest!" cried X.R., hanging from the ceiling and aiming his gun at Zurg.

"Like I said," said Buzz, also aiming his laser at his archenemy, "evil never wins."

Then they heard and saw another blast from the big gun. Then Mira noticed Zurg going down a tunnel. She fired her laser but the tunnel closed up.

Then they saw Zurg on a floating platform. "You failed, Lightyear! With that final blast, I have enslaved every planet in the Galactic Alliance. Wherever you go in the universe, you will hear my voice mocking you."

"Will we be able to hear your laughing, snoring, burping and farting?" asked Booster.

"Ew!" moaned Mira.

She, X.R. and Buzz fired their lasers at Zurg, but the super-villain floated away.

"We're not done yet," said Buzz. Then he turned to face his team. "Booster, X.R., get up top and take Warp into custody. Mira, you're with me."

* * *

Back on the control deck, everything was sparkling and exploding.

"She's gonna blow!" cried Brain Pod Freight Train.

"Let's get the hell out of here, man!" cried Brain Pod Kenny West.

All the brain pods and the grubs started to evacuate the deck. Only Darkmatter who was handcuffed over a big pole couldn't move.

"Get back here!" he screamed. "Release me! I'm Zurg's number one agent! Hey, I have skin cancer! I wanna live my life as much as I can, not end it too soon!"

"Are you sure you don't wanna be put out of your misery?" asked X.R., aiming a gun at his head.

"What?" cried Darkmatter.

"Nah, just kidding," X.R. chuckled, putting his gun away.

Booster picked him and Darkmatter up.

"You're gonna jump?" cried Darkmatter. "Are you crazy?"

"Welcome to Booster's High Jumping Experiences," said Booster.

"If you're thinking of opening up a kid's activity, Booster," said X.R., "change the name and make it a more exciting one."

"Okay," said Booster. Then he ran to the edge of the deck and jumped off, with Darkmatter screaming his head off.

Out of X.R.'s torso came a big parachute.

"Don't be such a whimp," said Booster. "You see, you'll hardly notice we're falling."

But Darkmatter was still nervous as he looked down as they floated down.

* * *

Mira held Buzz as they hovered above the Uni-Mind.

"Okay, Buzz," said Mira. "I'll confess that I haven't thought of this bit for my plan yet. What are we going to do?"

"Well, I remember from watching this scene from the original movie," said Buzz. "Take me in closer and I'll see if I can just try to – "

Buzz put his hand out and it touched the Uni-Mind. Where he touched started to turn back green. And it grew and grew.

"You're doing it!" cried Mira.

"Power of good is a strong thing, Mira," smiled Buzz.

But then everything went back to being purple.

"You were sayin'?" asked Mira.

"Damn it!" snapped Buzz. "I forgot that the touch thing wouldn't work."  
Mira had an idea. "But _I_ remember what happens next."

"What? What are you doing?"

Mira just put Buzz against the Uni-Mind and made him glow white.

"You're gonna ghost me?"

Then she shoved Buzz into the Uni-Mind and took a step back. Then she saw the Uni-Mind turn back to orange and green.

"To infinity and beyond!" echoed Buzz's voice as a big green ring wave spread across the planet.

* * *

The Uni-Mind wave hit Planet Bean and everyone was all right again, except for poor Teddy. Mr. Bean cried his eyes out as he mourned his best friend. The wave also hit Third Earth and the Thundercats were good as gold again. Then it hit the Star Command space station and all the personal were no longer under Zurg's control.

"Ah, Lightyear," sighed Nebula.

* * *

Deep in space, in his big ship, Zurg felt like he had lost every planet that were once under his rule. "No! My plan! My galaxy!"

"Uni-Mind wave impact in three seconds," reported the grub captain of his ship.

"(Bleep) you, Buzz Lightyear!" screamed Zurg, as the wave hit his ship.

* * *

The wave had finished but Buzz had not come out of the Uni-Mind.

"I'm going in!" yelled Mira, as she dived into the orb.

On the ground, Booster and X.R. were worrying about them, while Darkmatter didn't seem to give a damn about it. "She's a goner!" he scoffed. "Along with him! I'll bet they're making out in hell right now."

Then Mira came out with Buzz.

"Thanks for the lift, Mira," smiled Buzz.

"Anytime, sir," Mira smiled back.

Booster and X.R. were cheering when they saw them flying out of the orb.

"You were saying?" Booster said to Darkmatter.

"Ow!" the prisoner cried, as he was being poked by X.R.

"Come on, Booster, try it!" the robot said. "It's fun."

"Okay," said Booster. And the duo had fun poking their prisoner.


	8. Team Lightyear

Two L.G.M.s. from Star Command hovered above the Uni-Mind, checking it was okay.

"I hope the Uni-Mind still works for you guys," Buzz said to the three L.G.M.s next to him.

Then one L.G.M. on a floating platform gave the three below a thumbs up.

"We are one," said the L.G.M.s together. Then they turned to face Buzz.

"Our mind-link has been restored," one told him.

"Yeah, none of that Zurg evil shit," added the second one.

Then the third one got a Star Command weapon and aimed it for the other L.G.M.s. "I'm gonna kick your asses right now! Then I'm gonna kill you all!"

"What are you doing?" cried Buzz.

"Nah, I'm just pulling your legs!" the third one chuckled. "Where's your sense of humour?"

"Ha, glad to see the Uni-Mind is working again," smiled Buzz.

* * *

Almost all the Star Command fleet have arrived on Planet Z.

Mira and Booster watched Agent Z be taken away by two Star Command rangers.

"I can't believe we captured Agent Z," smiled Mira.

"I can't believe he was Buzz's dead partner who wasn't really dead," said Booster.

"Well, the thought had occurred to me," said Mira.

"How so?" asked Booster.

"Well, think about it," said Mira. "Buzz said he couldn't find his body on that exploding moon. So, you know..."

"What?" asked Booster.

Mira sighed. "You are so irritating, arrogant and (beeping) stupid!"

* * *

"Amazing!" cried the L.G.M.s., as they gathered around X.R.

"What's so amazing about a robot who can talk, move and fight?" asked X.R.

"Well, it makes you almost human," said one L.G.M.

"With the exception of not having to go to the toilet, not having to throw up and being unaffected by all kinds of gases, including the bathroom smells," added one L.G.M.

"So you're saying I'm perfect?" asked X.R. "That I'm a good role model?"

"Well, we don't admire your boastfulness," replied a third L.G.M.

"Or your bad attitude," added a fourth L.G.M.

"Ah, (bleep) you, guys!" snapped X.R., as he rolled away.

* * *

Commander Nebula landed next to Buzz. "Well, Lightyear, you managed to save the universe again. Probably the tenth time overall in your career."

"Well, it wasn't just me, sir," said Buzz. "Zurg nearly won. In fact, he would have, if I didn't have back-up."

"Do you know how important back-up is now?" asked Mira.

"It's in the code book," said Booster. "Subsection Six, subsection gamma."

"Yeah, yeah," said Buzz. "You're making a really good, yet really irritating point."

"So, who's your partner gonna be, son?" asked Nebula.

Buzz looked at Mira, X.R. and Booster. "Don't worry, Commander. I made my choice."

* * *

Space Rangers, ambassadors and civilians from all over the Galactic Alliance stood before the huge Galactic Alliance Headquarters on the Capital Planet. They watched Nebula put a medal over Mira and then Buzz, who both gave him a salute.

Then X.R. appeared and saluted. Nebula put a medal around the little robot.

Behind the other rangers came a sound of thumping footsteps that belong to Booster. He, in his brand new space suit, joined the other rangers and saluted. Nebula pinned his medal on his torso.

Then a beeping sound came from R2-D2 who stood by. The little droid was beeping happiness to the Star Command rangers, who smiled and laughed a little. Then his friend C-3PO put his golden hand on his dome to calm him down.

"Team Lightyear, reporting for duty, sir," said Buzz.

The entire planet cheered.

Then Team Lightyear opened their wings and flew into space. "To infinitely and beyond!"


	9. Credits

"And so Team Lightyear protected the universe from the wrath of Evil Emperor Zurg and his minions and, if you want to know more about them, watch the actual cartoon series," finished Cleveland. "Either on the DVDs, Youtube or Netflik."

Then he saw that the whole audience hadn't been listening. They've been asleep through the night. Then a cuckoo sound and the sunrise woke everyone up. They all got up and exited the stadium. No one, not even his family, noticed Cleveland, let alone thanked him for the story.

"Hmm," snapped Cleveland. "It may be underrated now, but one day it might become a timeless classic, like _1948, Star Wars_ and _Battlefield: Earth_." Then he left the stadium as well.

The only people who were left were Peter Griffin and Quagmire.

"Ha! He can't even tell a story on his own show!" laughed Peter.

"So, Peter, when are you gonna do _Toy Story 3_?" asked Quagmire.

"I'm not gonna tell you," replied Peter.

"Why?" demanded Quagmire. "Because you still want us to keep guessing?"

"Yeah, that," replied Peter. "And I don't know. But hopefully there shouldn't be any more distractions like this story."

THE END

* * *

**Credits**

Cast List

Cleveland Brown as Buzz Lightyear

Roberta Tubbs as Mira Nova

Rallo Tubbs as XR

Cleveland Brown Jr. as Booster

Ernie the Giant Chicken (from _Family Guy_) as Evil Emperor Zurg

Terry Kimple as Warp Darkmatter/Agent Z

Lloyd Waterman as Commander Nebula

Jeremy (from _Family Guy_), Bernard Bernard, Julius, Walt, Theodore as the Little Green Men

Wally Farquhare as the Leader of the Little Green Men

Freight Train Brown, Robert, Arch, Kenny West and Coach Charles McFall as the Brain Pods

Holt, Lester, Kendra, Tim and Arianna the bears as the Grubs

Cameos

Mr. Bean (from _Mr. Bean_)

Teddy (from _Mr. Bean_)

The Thundercats (from _Thundercats_)

Luke Skywalker (from _Star Wars_)

Han Solo (from _Star Wars_)

Chewbecca (from _Star Wars_)

C-3PO (from _Star Wars_)

R2-D2 (from _Star Wars_)

Writing Credits

Written by Bobby South

_Family Guy _and _The Cleveland Show _created by Seth Macfarlane

_Family Guy_ co-developed by David Zuckerman

_The Cleveland Show_ co-created by Mike Henry and Richard Appel

Based on _Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventures Begins_ written by Mark McCorkie, Robert Schooley, Bill Motz and Bob Roth, based on the characters created by Pixar Animation Studios.


End file.
